:: my thoughtz ::

:: 11.15.2002 ::

Lesson 1...
Keep your heart to yourself...


N iz gone...and I think for good this time... She decided that seeing me was not helping her relationship and she felt the need to try and make it work with her boyfriend by getting rid of me... I alwayz try to set myself apart from what normal niggaz do...because anybody can be like everybody...but it takes a special person to be different... I've never cheated...I try and be as romantic, sweet and caring as I am capable of being...but honestly...I don't see why I do it anymore... The niggaz that treat their women like they're not there, are the ones that win in the end...and just like in this case...the best man loses. So, from now on...I'ma be THAT nigga...I aint gonna give a shyt about no one'z feelingz...I aint gonna care no more...and I'ma just be what I was destined by women to be...JUST LIKE EVERY OTHA NIGGA! I put my all into N and I care for her more than I've cared for anyone ever...and in the end...I give her my heart and she gives me the boot...I'm not writin' this for pity...so if you call me sayin "awww...." then I'ma hang up in ur face...and I won't call back...because right now...I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF I HURT YOUR FEELINGZ...aiight? I just know now, how women REALLY want to be treated...ya'll don't want flowers, massages, hot bubble baths and all that cheezy shyt...ya'll wanna be loved every now and then and treated like you don't exist for the majority of the time...so I'll be that! I might say some thingz right now that I'ma regret or take back later, but right now...all I can think about iz one person and it sickenz me that I'm without the only person that has made me happy in a long time..so just let me vent, aiight? I have to work tomorrow at 8, so I'm just going to lay down and go to sleep...lataz



Thiz iz not a poem...thiz is just how I feel and I need to get it out of my mind and onto paper before I blow up...I love you mom...you're about the only steady woman I have right now and I know you'll alwayz be my number 1 lady...I love you...Rion

My heart must be made of glass...
Because it broke when you gave it back...
I bore my heart's love on my sleeve...
To be seen like a Welcome mat...

For when you give your heart away...
You hope it never breaks...
But when the keeper gives it back...
It might as well be fake...

For no one else can use this heart...
You can clearly see straight through...
See that it beats for only one...
It only beats for you...

So keep my heart...
I don't want it back...
Do with it as you may...
For in the end...
I will prove to you...
It should never have gone to waste...



:: 11:42:00 PM [+] ::
...

Blueprint of Perfection...
Is you...


Perfection is in the eye of the beholder

And in my eye…I see true



True that Perfection has a blueprint

The Blueprint of Perfection…is you.


:: 10:31:00 PM [+] ::
...

Sometimes...
You get what you want...

That'z all I have to say about that...

I really don't want to study for this test...I hate school with a passion!

Wish me luck...lataz


:: 2:28:00 PM [+] ::
...

No one else...
But her...


I don't want anyone else..but her...

I'll introduce you to her one day mom...I'm sure you want to see who your son is twisted over...

Anyway, I talked to N today and everything iz much better than before...I feel alot better. Thanks to everyone that emailed me and hit me up on AIM with kind and helpful support...I love ya'll...As for the haterz...(Polo)...just wait until another Russia comes into your life and just remember all the shyt you wuz talkin' when I was mopin' around campuz...aiight? Punk!

I have 2 important tests this week, as well as a paper that I need to work on, so I'm going to bed now so I can be rested for tomorrow...keep ya heads up...

"When you hug someone...make sure that they are the one to let go first..."
- Rion -

:: 1:35:00 AM [+] ::
...

The honest truth...
DMX

"If you love something...let it go...If it comes back to you...it's yours...If it doesn't...it never was..."
- DMX -

:: 2:34:00 AM [+] ::
...

Not worth losing...
*Sigh*

Someone remind me to keep my mouth shut sometimes, ok? I don't know if N iz mad at me or not, but I called and no one answered...and we got off on bad terms yesterday...sux, huh? I miss my lil' buddy...I don't care how corny it sounds...but I do...find someone that makes you feel happy just bein' around em' and you'll say the same corny shyt...and if you haven't found that person yet...then you need to move on..because you'll never be happy until you do...lataz hataz' (hataz' means haters, mom. I know you're reading this!!! Love you!)


:: 4:14:00 PM [+] ::
...

Nosey...
Mommy...

What up?

My mom iz sooooo nosey...she'z been readin' my blog...talkin about..."I know why you don't have money now...blah blah..." I still luv you mom! Anyway, I haven't written in a long time...as usual...nothing really exciting. I went wit' L, N and P to see "8 Mile" Friday night...it was aiight. I didn't really like the ending...but itz all good... L and I are collaborating on a movie script...it's gonna be tight...it really sounds like..."yea right", but I'm serious...if you knew the storyline...you'd pay the price to see it...just wait. Don't ask to be in the sequel...non-believers!!! Uhm....Saturday night i went to Kennesaw State wit' L to pick up my cousin Geoffrey..he'z crazy...enough said...after that, we went to Buckhead, but it wasn't tight at all...and today, I had a flag football game...we lost again...oh well...I got hurt again...which brings me to the conclusion that I probably shouldn't play anymore...I'ma permanently hurt something if I don't be careful. I was tryin to see N for a little bit tonight, but I guess I'ma just clean my house, take a shower and get ready for tomorrow...type to ya'll lataz...duecez...

:: 8:26:00 PM [+] ::
...

Dru Hill
I Should Be...

Thiz song iz deeper than many of you will ever know...


:: 8:17:00 PM [+] ::
...